Loss

I just found out not to long ago that a friend of mine from work was shot and killed. He was a good guy. We were Sapper buddies when we both attended the US Army Sapper Leaders course. I had some good memories with him in it. He was back from Iraq a year or so now.

Humble Pie

Well it is getting close to Christmas. What that means for me is I usually allow myself to get out of shape, eat to much, and in general not take good care of myself. On the plus side I have always associated Christmas with going back to Utah and visiting family and friends.

As I think about going back to Utah I can't help notice how many things are going right in my life. I can't remember a time when I've been happier. With all this good stuff going on I got really paranoid lately. Not that anything bad would happen but when you think things are going oh so good is when God, or life, or whatever you believe generally breaks out the humble stick and gives you a good smack across the face with it.

Now some may say that I'm just a pessimist. Not true, I generally think things will work out for the better and good things will happen. I suppose it is a mental disorder that I have. I remember when I was under a reasonable suspicion that my life was a Truman Show kind of thing, where the events in my life and the people in it were based on some kind of ratings feedback. So yes I'm crazy.

On a completely unrelated note, things I have said while I regret saying are still true:

"You know Death Cab has some really good songs out."
"Freebird rocks man!"
"Look if that sandwich hits the ground I'm still eating it."
"You know punk is the new disco."
"Oh my Hanna! There is a GI Joe movie coming out!"
"Yeah he's not going to walk again."

HollyWood

So my work is sending me to Cali in about 24 hours or so. I'm not really stoked about it. I think this is the first of many blogs where I'm just typing stuff to type. Yep the first. I hate you blog, or was that ESPN? Oh maybe the people of Phillie can now be good sports fans.

I do like one development, several of my friends are the you shouldn't root against a MW conference team because you want the conference to be strong. So if Utah goes undefeated till they meet BYU and has a shot at a BCS Bowl game does that mean those BYU fans need to root for the Utes and take one for the team as it will not be the Blue's year? Just wondering.

Strange Calls

In the church I belong to I just got a calling last Sunday. It went like this:

Bishop, "and we call RFB to the position of second counselor to the Sunday School, subsitute teacher, etc, and whatever."

RFB thinks to himself, "wait did I just get called to doing whatever and etc?"

So that's my position whatever and etc.

Long Time

So it has been a while. I won't apologize because well I blog for myself and I've been having to good of a time while I have not been blogging.

I'm extremely happy that the Steelers are 4-1. The Cubs lost, big time. I always love seeing the crushed look of all those Cubs fans. It makes my day. It's like an abusive relationship without any of the horrible stuff. You know it starts with a good romance at the start, the you get punched in the face, the next thing you know your partner says they will change and begs you not to leave, then they do things to make you think they might change, then you forgive them and forget the pain, and then ta da! That's the number one reason why I like baseball, Cubs fans.

I'm trying to get back into shape after taking a month off. On that note I've taken to calling everything fatty. You know I'm going to Mc Fatty's, I'm going to eat a fatty roll, and the list goes on and on.

I also just found out that the Japanese are now using monkeys to work in restaurants. Isn't this how Planet of the Apes started? I'm going to hate working for our ape overlords. I accept it though.

Strange Observations

I've noticed a couple of things about myself now that I have had my wisdom teeth pulled. First it is much easier to floss than in the past, and second I've gained a bit of weight since then. I don't know if it is related.

Another thing that has been resurfacing in my mind is the legal drinking age. I would like to state that I am not a proponent of drinking spirited beverages. I think in general they lead to bad choices and ultimately diminish how much fun one could have. On that note I think it is ridiculous that we have the drinking age at 21. The justification I always get from people is that a person from the age of 18-20 is to young and immature to make an educated decision about drinking spirited beverages. Yet we say at the age of 18 they are wise enough to vote. Better yet when you are 17-18 we allow you to sign a contract to serve your country by going to a far land and looking for things designed to kill people, then engage those things. Those are big boy rules and decisions. Something like that requires a lot of adult decision making because that is a life changing decision. Its funny how much we as a society lean on the backs of young people yet refuse to treat them like full citizens.

I hate being sick. I mean I really hate it. Even when I'm "not sick" anymore it takes me weeks to get back to 100% I hate it. I also hate having allergies. Allergies are like the sickness you can always have. I know it could be worse I could have cancer, or some other real illness.

Speaching of cancer, I've always wondered if cancer is a mechanism for evolution in the human speicies and by combating it so much in the long, long term we are shooting ourselves in the foot? Just an abstract mobid thought that maybe a plot in science fiction book one day.

So It Begins

I just noticed, where I live a 20 bucket at KFC with a couple of add ons costs more than a large sushi boat. I don't know if I should be alarmed or happy. I so confused. 20 pieces of fried chicken (maybe) or 36 pieces of unfried fish? I think my head might just explode.

Health Delays on Time

At my job I've had to go to several health inspections. Each time it was mentioned that I've had problems sleeping. Without exception the immediate reply was to put me on sleep medications. I refused each time, but it made me realize how easy it is to get sleeping medications. It is easy to see how people can develop an addiction to them. One a brighter note my basic cognitive abilities are excellent. I should be done with these health check up from here on out. Yeah clean bill of health!

 

I've also scheduled a tryout of sorts to see if I could make it on a team I've been trying to get on. I was scheduled for May. Funny enough I need a medical waiver to get a tryout. I've now been pushed back to June. Oh well another month to prepare I guess. I am tired of being sore thought. Maybe it is just a sign of me getting old?

House of Pain

I am a geek. I am a nerd. I am a dork. Some would say that there is a difference in the three categories, but it is of little importance as I am all three. Being a geeknerddorkmanbearpig, I tend to enjoy top whatever lists. I've noticed it has been over a month since I last looked at, let alone, made a top something list. Nothing really came to mind. Recently I've been feeling sore, tired, and in general broken down. So here is my top five activities that will get you sore and make you feel like Father Time is taking his toll. A couple of notes on the list, the list is based on intensity, quality, area, time, and uniqueness of the pain. So here we go.

5. Running long distance. What do I mean by long distance? I mean six miles plus or an hour plus running, which ever comes later. Running like this can make your quads, calves, and joints sore. Sometimes you get the lower back thing going but rarely. The thing that makes running appear on the list is the pain you get in your feet. While the intensity isn't really there, the quality and areas affected will definitely affect your mobility, making you feel old. An added bonus for new runners, all the phlegm and mucus you cough up after the run.

4. Using a jack hammer for a long time. If you use a jack hammer for about eight hours your body will feel like it has been beat up head to toe. Your joints in the shoulder and hand area will just hurt. This gets placed above running because of the intensity of the pain. You do feel really old when you can't open jars or hold cups because of the pain. You can still move around a bit but heck you hurt.

3. Iron Mike and Duck Walk. Iron Mike for about 100 meters the immediately turn around and Duck Walk back; that counts as one set. If you do six to eight sets you are in business. Everything lower that your lower back will be sore. It will also be so intense that you will find things like standing up, using the bathroom, and sitting down painful. You have no mobility and it last for several days.

2. Holding your head off the ground. Get a helmet that is about six to seven pounds. Wear helmet. Get in the sit up position. Hold head off the ground for about 20 to 45 minutes. Your neck is so sore after you can't get out of bed because you can't get your head off the pillow.

1. Forced road march. Get an external frame back pack. Load pack with at least 25% of your body weight or 33 pounds, whichever is greater. Now march at least six mile at a 13:30 minute mile pace. This will get you sore from your neck to your feet. Your feet will be so sore that you can't walk. Your back will be hurting so much you can't move. Your legs will be sore, you get the picture. This last for days and the intensity is so huge that all you can think about for the first two days is how much you hurt.

Why do you want to do these things? With the exception of running you really don't. Then again what good are top whatever lists anyway?

I am Girl Hear me Roar

I got sick about four days ago. It got me real tired. Tired to the point where I just slept and said to heck with any kind of exercise. I finally got over it today and decided to go on a long run to get all the bugs out. I went to a fitness club that I am a member of and started running on the track. It was a good run for the most part. About an hour into it a new group entered the track. One of them was a girl that could not have been older than 11. She started running and it was apparent she was having a good time. She was zigg zagging, and a smile on her face and a spring in her step. Then I noticed she was slowing down drasticly. I was catching up to her pretty fast. When I got within about 10 meters she just darted off extending the distance zigg zagging and laughing, then she would slow down and wait till I got close again, then piff she was off again. I thought oh no there is no way an 11 year old girl is going to show me up on a track. So I picked up the pace. As she kept on darting ahead of me I realized I couldn't catch this girl no matter how much I tried. It was sort of demoralizing seeing this little girl out run me, laughing the whole time, while I couldn't stop thinking how much my feet were burning. Granted I was running for about an hour before her and I was coming off an illness, but still.

I’m Still a Man

I felt hungry a little while ago. I hadn't gone to Carl's in a while. So I went. I had this conversation:

 

RFB: I'm still deciding, oh I'd like the chili fries, six dollar guack burger, the six south west, and gees do you think that will fill me up?

 

Clerk: Sir that's two six dollar burgers and chili fries; I don't think you can eat anymore.

 

RFB: OK then I'll get the teriyaki burger as well.

 

The clerk then looked at me like I was crazy and placed the order. After I had eaten all the burgers and fries with ease I dumped all the paper in the trash and the clerk looked at me as with the look of I can't believe he just did that.

Me: 1, People who doubt my ability to be both stupid and consume: 0

Be Careful What You Wish for You Already Have it.

I haven't realized it but I haven't been fully myself until recently. For some reason I had shut down emotionally for a while. I had thought that phase of my life was over. I think it was all the vacationing and being back from my travels that gave me an emotional high. I know what you are saying, how can I get an emotional high if I've shut down my emotions? It isn't the extreme things that don't get felt it is the day to day stuff. I had a bit of trouble handling it. But now I'm doing pretty well processing and getting use to feeling things on a daily basis. It makes me feel like my old self again. Then again what is my old self? Can I really call it my "self" if it has been so long? Or how about if I intentionally do things that make me not that way, can I still consider that a part of my identity? Things I have to figure out I suppose. The one thing I have noticed is that feelings and emotions do need to be expressed and process or otherwise they tend to control you much more than is healthy or functional.

On that note I would like to express something that has been bothering me as of late. I feel that I lack the experience and credentials to talk for the American soldier. However I do feel that I can make some assertions as to how the American soldier is treated and really viewed in our society. In general I think our culture and the people in it are a bunch of hypocrites when it comes to soldiers. On one hand we praise them for fighting for the most important things in our country, we constantly shower them with the words of gratitude, and we consider these people honorable and heroes. On further examination our view isn't really that simple. What I see in day to day life of soldiers is that the appreciation for what they do is largely lip service. Constantly they are told what they do is great and of noble worth, but when it affects the personal lives of civilians all that hero stuff and noble values stuff goes out the window. Once common example is when a soldier is talked about people say yeah he is a real good guy. They mention how they really respect what he is doing and how it takes a real man/woman to do the things he is doing and to make the sacrifices he is making. Then the soldier does the dating bit. Then all those great things and wonderful choices which exemplify selfless service becomes mud in the eyes of people. It is hard for him to find a woman. When he does find a woman, she is constantly told what a mistake it is being with a man that would choose such a life; how selfish he is in not leaving the military behind. Thing is good people make decisions that require real sacrifice. These real sacrifices give us the benefits of society and social change we enjoy. However it just seems that we never want to be affected by the sacrifice in any way but to enjoy it and say we appreciate it. So let us heap our burdens on the backs of the few and stone them if their bruised backs need healing. No matter how much we say we respect these people, we don't. One cannot claim to have virtue when one is never given a choice to choose between one thing or the other. So what does that say about us when we are actually given a choice we chose to not be the very thing we say we respect?

Midnight Music

I have been having trouble sleeping (I'm having doubts if I'll ever sleep normally again). So I've been listening to music again. That is to say I've been getting back into music and not just passively listening to it. I was going through a playlist of The Shins and I realized I listen to "Oh, Inverted World" more and more. I had some mixed emotions about his. The Shins are one of the few new bands I get excited for. I always thought they would develop. When I heard "Wincing the Night Away" I thought they grew as a band and produced a better album. Oddly enough I keep coming back to the first of their three albums. Is it possible for a band to make a better album that I like to listen to less than inferior work (not that any of the albums are bad)? It struck me as close to tragic as I like all the music The Shins have put out. Am I doomed to like the first the most even when a band has developed and improved? Or am I just in a mood that brings me to songs like: "Caring is Creepy", "Know Your Onion!", "New Slang", and "The Past and Pending". Then again: "A Comet Appears"," Sealegs", and "Splited Needles" are some really really good songs.

I've also made a decision my favorite "new" band is no longer Islands. Part of reason is I've heard the band has broken up and are no more. Even if they were making music I think LCD Soundsystem would take the title anyways. There are a lot of ways one could describe LCD, but I like saying they are like the Killers if the Killers were as good as they thought they were. I doubt any of my readers have heard of either Islands or LCD, but give them a try, you won't be disappointed. Also if you are looking for songs to download to see if you would be interested in LCD Soundsystem I personally like "Get Innocuous!" and "Someone Great" the most. However others have said "North American Scum" is the best.

Keeping it Real with RealFruitBeverage

When I think about myself who I am and what I am I sometimes find some interesting generalities that extend to a larger group besides me. To the ladies who read this blog (all two or maybe three of you) I'm going to let you in on a little secret about men. The vast majority of men are jealous and violent. I'm not saying all guys are that way, but enough to say you can assume that a guy is a jealous and violent person unless proven otherwise. This generality is limited I think to romantic relations for the most part. I don't know where these tendencies come from: are they socially taught, do they come from a sense of inadequacy or lack of self esteem, is it biologically hard wired for us to want to dominate competitors, or are we just jerks? I don't know, and I'm sure the reasons for a guy being jealous and having violent thoughts vary from guy to guy and are probably a mixture of different factors. So the cause is complicated. I'm not making a commentary on the cause I'm simply stating what is.

I know what the couple of ladies are saying, "wait I know plenty of guys who aren't that way, or I've dated several guys that aren't that way, or I'm married to a great man who isn't that way." Another argument if my claim is true, why aren't guys just beating the life out of each other all the time? This becomes an issue of guys controlling tendencies or the output of thoughts. That is to say while you might have a perfectly calm and reasonable guy on the outside, inside he is a turbulent storm, or he just wants to punch the face in of another guy he is jealous of and of course he is jealous. I have a lot of friends that are mild mannered. From them I've heard them say they would like to punch in the face every ex a girlfriend has had, or bite the nose off of all the ex's, set fire to an ex's car, stab, shoot, elbow, or put an ex in a reverse arm bar and whisper something unpleasant in his ear while thinking that the poor sap has no idea he will never be able to use that arm again.

We don't act out these very real desires for a number of reasons. The most common pointed to (but I don't know if it is the most common reason) is we know that things like that are wrong so we choose not to execute these very real desires. Other reasons range from fear of doing the act, inability, laziness, and many others. The reasons and excuses not to act on our jealousy in a violent manner are enough to keep the male population in good behavior for the most part. But remember no matter how mild mannered a guy seems there is a good chance he has very strong real feelings of jealousy that express themselves in violent thoughts.

I'm not advocating men do act on such desires or that feeling this way is a good thing. I just think it is important to recognize every once in a while that there are things about us that aren't pleasant.

The Strongest Men

A very important man died today. I am sure the world will go on without him but it will be a less kind and friendly place now that he is gone. I can't state how important he was to me. Without him I wouldn't be the man that I am in all the good aspects. I don't know how to react to it. I know that I shouldn't be sad. I can't help but feel I would have liked to hear him talk one more time. He took care of me; I don't know if he knew it, he kept me from losing my humanity at times when it would have been easy and sometimes understood for me to throw it away for a moment. He reminded me that no matter how complex life gets the answers are always simple. That being a strong man in these times means that you are a soft human being. My life compared to his and what he would have expected of me would probably be a shortcoming. I can't but thank him though for letting me know where the bar was set and that it was that high.

Random Road Thoughts

I've had a moment now after my vacation to think about what kind of person I have become. I've really been neglecting being introspective. One way to catch up on who you are is a long road trip, alone. I had the opportunity to drive from Utah to Seattle so I could have my vehicle shipped to Alaska. I didn't do much thinking about myself as I normally do when presented with such an opportunity, but I did notice a lot of things that I have been affected by. I watch Futurama quit a bit and one of the sayings goes, "You watched it now you can't unwatch it!" There is an interesting concept in that phrase. Once you take something in the mind you really can't undo what it did. Now this doesn't hold true for some things, but it does for law school. As I was crossing the Utah border entering Idaho; do you know what thought entered my mind? It wasn't oh I'm entering a new state, or I wonder what different radio stations I'll encounter, or does the speed limit change here, or does this mean I'll get some different scenery. I thought I'm entering a new jurisdiction and body of law. I realized I will never be normal when compared to the rest of society.

When traveling through a section of one unnamed state I thought, "Man the radio music sucks here." I then did another seek on the radio. I found a station to my liking. It played two songs in a row that I really liked. Then it got a little strange, the station then played a little Radio Head. I was thinking that this was a strange mix as I got two classic rock songs and then Radio Head. I kept listening out of pure fascination. Would you know it the Shins came on the air. Nobody plays The Shins, let alone in a lineup that has Radio Head and two really good classic rock songs. I was thinking I discovered pure gold. I couldn't wait for the next song. To my surprise they played one of my favorite rap songs of all time. That's when I realized it wasn't a radio station but just my ipod broadcasting.