I am Girl Hear me Roar

I got sick about four days ago. It got me real tired. Tired to the point where I just slept and said to heck with any kind of exercise. I finally got over it today and decided to go on a long run to get all the bugs out. I went to a fitness club that I am a member of and started running on the track. It was a good run for the most part. About an hour into it a new group entered the track. One of them was a girl that could not have been older than 11. She started running and it was apparent she was having a good time. She was zigg zagging, and a smile on her face and a spring in her step. Then I noticed she was slowing down drasticly. I was catching up to her pretty fast. When I got within about 10 meters she just darted off extending the distance zigg zagging and laughing, then she would slow down and wait till I got close again, then piff she was off again. I thought oh no there is no way an 11 year old girl is going to show me up on a track. So I picked up the pace. As she kept on darting ahead of me I realized I couldn't catch this girl no matter how much I tried. It was sort of demoralizing seeing this little girl out run me, laughing the whole time, while I couldn't stop thinking how much my feet were burning. Granted I was running for about an hour before her and I was coming off an illness, but still.

I’m Still a Man

I felt hungry a little while ago. I hadn't gone to Carl's in a while. So I went. I had this conversation:

 

RFB: I'm still deciding, oh I'd like the chili fries, six dollar guack burger, the six south west, and gees do you think that will fill me up?

 

Clerk: Sir that's two six dollar burgers and chili fries; I don't think you can eat anymore.

 

RFB: OK then I'll get the teriyaki burger as well.

 

The clerk then looked at me like I was crazy and placed the order. After I had eaten all the burgers and fries with ease I dumped all the paper in the trash and the clerk looked at me as with the look of I can't believe he just did that.

Me: 1, People who doubt my ability to be both stupid and consume: 0

Be Careful What You Wish for You Already Have it.

I haven't realized it but I haven't been fully myself until recently. For some reason I had shut down emotionally for a while. I had thought that phase of my life was over. I think it was all the vacationing and being back from my travels that gave me an emotional high. I know what you are saying, how can I get an emotional high if I've shut down my emotions? It isn't the extreme things that don't get felt it is the day to day stuff. I had a bit of trouble handling it. But now I'm doing pretty well processing and getting use to feeling things on a daily basis. It makes me feel like my old self again. Then again what is my old self? Can I really call it my "self" if it has been so long? Or how about if I intentionally do things that make me not that way, can I still consider that a part of my identity? Things I have to figure out I suppose. The one thing I have noticed is that feelings and emotions do need to be expressed and process or otherwise they tend to control you much more than is healthy or functional.

On that note I would like to express something that has been bothering me as of late. I feel that I lack the experience and credentials to talk for the American soldier. However I do feel that I can make some assertions as to how the American soldier is treated and really viewed in our society. In general I think our culture and the people in it are a bunch of hypocrites when it comes to soldiers. On one hand we praise them for fighting for the most important things in our country, we constantly shower them with the words of gratitude, and we consider these people honorable and heroes. On further examination our view isn't really that simple. What I see in day to day life of soldiers is that the appreciation for what they do is largely lip service. Constantly they are told what they do is great and of noble worth, but when it affects the personal lives of civilians all that hero stuff and noble values stuff goes out the window. Once common example is when a soldier is talked about people say yeah he is a real good guy. They mention how they really respect what he is doing and how it takes a real man/woman to do the things he is doing and to make the sacrifices he is making. Then the soldier does the dating bit. Then all those great things and wonderful choices which exemplify selfless service becomes mud in the eyes of people. It is hard for him to find a woman. When he does find a woman, she is constantly told what a mistake it is being with a man that would choose such a life; how selfish he is in not leaving the military behind. Thing is good people make decisions that require real sacrifice. These real sacrifices give us the benefits of society and social change we enjoy. However it just seems that we never want to be affected by the sacrifice in any way but to enjoy it and say we appreciate it. So let us heap our burdens on the backs of the few and stone them if their bruised backs need healing. No matter how much we say we respect these people, we don't. One cannot claim to have virtue when one is never given a choice to choose between one thing or the other. So what does that say about us when we are actually given a choice we chose to not be the very thing we say we respect?