One of my favorite topics to think and talk about is zombies. Why? I don’t know. Another thing I do a lot is argue. Great facilitators for argument are top X number lists. My work buddies and I started to talk about various zombie scenarios and what would be the top whatever for such and such situation. I noticed a trend in our discussions, when I talk about zombies taking over I refer to it as a zombie infestation while my work buddies call them zombie insurrections.
You are probably wondering what the big deal is. Come on they both start with the letter “I” and heck it really doesn’t change the reality of ten thousand zombies looking to eat your delicious brains. See these words are the beginnings of a serious point, zombies are not people! As you can see the word insurrection implies some kind of rebellion. In that implication is the notion that zombies have some kind of intelligence, a will even. With a will we can even attempt to say they might have a soul, or rights. Let’s get this straight people zombies while once human are not humans. The more we start using human quality words on them the more dangerous it becomes. One of the classic mistakes made in every zombie movie is having feelings of attachment for a zombie that was once a loved one. The zombie lover then falls prey to their attachment because they don’t realize that this isn’t a human and you got a zombie loose on the inside of your defenses. Zombies are a disease or at best an invasion of an unwanted entity. Heck I would say that zombies aren’t even alive, they are the undead after all. Think this is not a problem; just look at all the zombie movies that are starting to add little human characteristics to zombies. We have a problem; when the infestation does happen we can have no doubt, zombies must go. Remember the Simpsons episode where Homer ends up at his house being chased by flesh eating mutants and they start talking peace, and then they blast them? We need to have that kind of mentality.
Other fine points of zombie infestations I would like to make, a chain saw is not a good melee weapon. First it can run out of fuel. That is the last thing you want in a melee weapon. Second it is extremely heavy. Granted it can cause a lot of damage but that leads to three, the amount of splatter with a chain saw is high. The amount of fluids that could possibly transmit the zombie bug (for the sci-fi zombie scenarios where it is a virus that causes it) increases dramatically and increases the odds you will be infected which is death. My personal choice is an aluminum bat. It is light and causes a lot of blunt trauma. This mean you can hit the head of the zombie (its only true weak spot) and not worry about a lot of issues. Wooden blunt objects are to prone to breaking thus the aluminum bat is a better choice. There are some other blunt melee weapons that are good but generally to heavy. I think you will fatigue and be swarmed.
There is still a robust debate regarding which vehicle would be best. I’m of the opinion that one where you can limit in and out access to the top of it and good fuel economy are considerations. The best place to hold up has been Walmart, but I don’t think that is an absolute conclusion. I’ve also tossed the idea around that an area with extreme cold weather would be a good spot to. Zombies must have extremely low heat output thus they would freeze and basically be harmless or even better completely neutralized. Alaska would be a good consideration, sort of like the latest Resident Evil movie (we thought of this way before the movie by the way and they didn’t even site the cold as a possible advantage).
Just remember zombies are not humans. If that sounds like a hate speech, then call me a zombie hater.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
11 comments:
A few things to consider. First, insurrection also makes it seem like there is a current society of zombies that are being held in oppression by the man. Second, I think you've got great points on the vehicle, but you also want to limit windows, fewer windows, the better, like the A Team van or something. Third, Wal-Mart wouldn't be good for two simple reasons, one, like the aforementioned vehicle problem, too many windows, those giant glass doors are problematic and two, way to big, unless you have a great big force, there's just to much ground to cover to watch everything, and the last thing you want while fighting off a zombie infestation is zombies coming through housewares while you were off checking home and garden.
Here's a little comment I thought could help illustrate the point.
http://www.vgcats.com/comics/?strip_id=29
You suck Dan I was just about to point out those same weakness about the Zombie movies. Clearly the best hold up spot has to be an older building because they avoid some OSHA and ADA code and so have fewer access points. Also you are more likely to get goo sturdy concrete or masonry walls rather than stupid modern steel girders and glass.
Also I don't know if the freezing think would work always work, theoretically the zombie has no need of blood or saliva etc. and without fliuds there would be nothing to freeze. I think the advantages of Alaska would be the small population (fewer potential zombies) the low density (slower spread of the infestation, and the terrain (it has to be way tougher to do that zombie lurch through wilderness than down a nice paved street). Clearly this is a strong argument against oil pipelines it creates cleared pathways for the zombie infestation to spread along. I really think greenpeace should bring this point up in their publicity campaigns.
Dan and Will
First let me make my defense of Walmart. Yes I think it would be next to impossible to secure Walmart with just one guy. I think at minimum you would need a four man team. Ideally you should really have eight plus members. I can go into the details of how I would specifically go about it but I’m lazy and hey I have to keep some secrets of the trade to myself. The main benefit of Walmart isn’t its defensive qualities; it is one word, supplies. Most importantly we are talking about water. There is ample canned and preserved food. The fuel and hardware are just bonuses in my opinion. I’ve also considered SAMs club, but too much of the food is frozen, and subject to spoil early.
Second when we consider a base of operations moving that much food and water is a risk so it is better to build a base where the resources are located. I think with an eight man group you could secure Walmart in 2 days, and within a week build up the defenses strong enough where you would only have to have minimal security within a week. After that you could start planning on how to make escape routes and do recon and recovery missions.
Third, you make a good point Dan about the A Team van. I do get to tempted to put to many features on it thus lowering the fuel efficacy of the vehicle. A cow catcher sounds like a great thing to put on for plowing through but I think the fuel efficacy would suffer greatly. I’m also tempted to put an emergency escape vehicle like a small motorcycle on, but then again we get to space and fuel issues.
Four, for the cold factor, while zombies probably don’t need fluids to survive they still have them and they are still subject to freezing. So in the winter they would be basically motionless in the worst case, and gone in the best. While frozen you could organize zombie clean up squads to diminish the number of the undead.
On a side note I’ve been contemplating how good a large boat might be. Granted you’d have to come in for resupply on occasion but you could really get some benefits. You’d almost be like a Viking raider.
A few points.
If you are looking at a prolonged siege, then your points about Wal-Mart are fairly well founded, but, I would have to argue for Sam's Club if your choice were one or the other. First, you have an ample supply of stoves, fridges, and freezers, for food storage and prep. But more importantly, you have an almost limitless supply of big screen plasma T.V.s, dvd players, computers, AND computer games as well as hundreds of dvds. You also have full baking facilities, to go along with the thousands of pounds of baking supplies. Basically a Wal-Mart plus, and those giant metal racks have to be good for something. Along the same lines, the Sam's Club has a gas station right in its parking lot with like 10 pumps, so you can easily go A-Team van for your recon, heck, you could have a fleet of different vehicles. Oh, and the Sam's Club has a fully stocked pharmacy. So basically you could survive forever.
Unfortunately neither Wal-Mart or Sam's sell weapons, this is their major weakpoint. So, you would have to make your first stop a major sporting goods store, stock up completely, then you could move into the Sam's club, and you're good to go for years. And did anyone check out my link? That's good stuff.
Dan I have considered all the things about SAMs Club that you have mentioned. There is only one problem, electricity. All those things require it. That's why canned foods and dry storage is so valuable.
You are right about the weapons bit. I think that is why you have to go at it in stages, you can't just show up and say ta da lets secure Walmart!
I also don't think people understand how important a water supply is.
You get everything vis a vis dry storage and canned goods at Sam's that you would get at Wal Mart, but in much larger quantity, plus you get those giant metal racks, AND.......generators, dozens of em.
Game.....set.....match.
Since I am not a member of SAMs I can't say if there is more dry goods. I'll take your word for it.
I'm sure that the giant metal racks will seem useful at first but end up in your demise. That's just the way the nature of the universe works.
If the greatest zombie movie of all time, Shaun of the Dead, has taught us anything, the best place to hide is in a pub...in London.
That reminds me that there is a new awesome computer game coming out in the very near future, its called Hellgate: London. Basically futuristic, the forces of hell have taken over the earth, and you live in London, and are killing the forces of hell. Its by the same people who made Diablo II.
I've heard about hellgate. Sounds like if you liked D2 then you'll like it. It is going to hook you with item drops. You know some of the people that made D2 also made Starcraft. SC2 is in the works. I've visited the web page. I really don't think my life can take a hit like that. But this post is about zombies! Down with the undead.
Post a Comment